I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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