You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
