butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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