haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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