how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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