THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
