fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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