but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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