is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
