Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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