quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize