Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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