I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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