My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
