So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
