areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
