do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
