dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
