At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
