marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
