that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
