like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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