Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
