We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
