FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
