If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
