You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize