I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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