I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
