Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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