I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
