Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize