There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
