God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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