The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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