I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
