it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
