Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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