i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
