She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
