i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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