i jhust puked up my retainher.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
