He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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