this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Actions speak louder than pants.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
