take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
