Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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