I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
