Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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