Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
