Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
