WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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