Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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