A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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