dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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