who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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