I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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