I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize