I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
