I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
