you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
