Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize