"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
