My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
