see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
