this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize