she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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