Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
