STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
