I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
