The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
