I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
