Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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