i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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